I can't believe it but the little baby girl that weighed 2.4 kg at birth on 8th Oct 2004 is turning 5 years old!!! This milestone will be cherished by me personally for so many reasons, many years down the road.
For the party in Kelana Jaya, I decided at the last minute to cook Chicken Rice instead. Early Saturday morning, I bought 2 big chickens from the pasar tani and by 9am, I was ready to start cooking the nasi ayam. First, I blended the 15 cloves of garlic and medium sized young ginger. 1 table spoon went into the rice pot 2 tablespoons of oil. After fragrant, I put in 3 pots of rice and filled up with enough water.
2 tablespoons of garlic ginger mash went in another pot, together with some cloves, star anise, cinnamon sticks and loads of water. The chicken is placed inside and brought to a slow boil. Then I blended 10 red chillies and mixed 1 tablespoon of the garlic ginger mash for the chilli sauce, then cooked some dark soy sauce mixed with some chicken stock and water to make the soy gravy. While the chicken rice is cooking, I made a dash to Giant to get the birthday cake where Adriana chose one with a bear on it.
Got home at 1030am and finished setting up the dinner table etc. The chicken came out nice and juicy, the soup was not that bad, but the rice was way too little. So, I quickly cooked 2 more pots of rice just in case.
By 130pm, Kak Ah and Kak Lin arrived and boy were we hungry by then. Everyone went quiet for a while, just "enjoying" my chicken rice which I thought was not such a bad attempt. After lunch, the cake came out and I melted when I saw Adriana's eyes just light up. Everyone sang a rocous version of the Happy Birthday song, which made Alyssa, Adam and Dini squeel with delight!! Then Adriana opened her presents and the puzzle that I bought for both girls took centre stage. Everyone left at around 5pm after the kids tired themselves out playing & running all over the house.
Monday, November 16, 2009
Friday, October 23, 2009
23 Oct 09 - Lunch Catering at PPUM
My morning kicked off at 4 a.m., an un-godly hour to many (especially me!!), with hundreds of thots, memories, opinions, ideas, conversations, flashbacks.....all buzzing in my head at 200 km/h. I kept my eyes closed, which didn't have the desired effect....more ideas came flowing in, many of which were genuine ones that I suddenly realised needed to jotted down, before I forget all of them....
As I opened my eyes, the sight of my beautiful Adriana sleeping soundly beside me greeted my sight. I then spent 5 minutes just gazing at her flawless face, strokking her lovely hair, and telling myself how much I loved and adored her, and how hard I'll work to make a better life for both
Adriana and Alyssa.
Once the cobwebs were gone, I got down to business, jotting down all the thots, ideas, memories, conversations etc etc. Before long, 2 whole pages of my notebook were filled with all sorts of stuff, and boy was I glad I too the trouble...some of them were pretty cool stuff. The ideas dried up at 6am, and since I'm not sleepy at all, got dressed and went for my very first jog in the wee hours of 610am. Initially my body revolted, maybe due to the weird time, but after Dr Murali's Clinic, I got into the rythm and somehow started to glide along. Traffic was light, and the air was crisp with the sun just starting its climb, so it was really pleasant. Got home at 645am, and got in some push-up and sit-ups while catching the morning shows on TV.
The girls woke up at 8am with an expectant look on their face....yes, it's time for our puree breakfast at Abirami Restaurant. The restaurant was packed, but we got our regular table, and after a 5 minute wait, our eagerly awaited puree's were lovingly placed on our banana leafs. Boy, the 3 of us literally wolfed it down without saying a word, me having to supplement it with a vadei. Then its back home to get ready for the catering.
Left home at 945am and got to the poolside at 1030am thru the heavy morning crawl. Caught up with the news while waiting for Eddy, who showed up at 1115am. Loaded up the Honda City, and got to PPUM at 1130am. Everything was set-up perfectly in the dining area, so I got busy laying out the food and making little touch-ups. Realised that we didn't have any ice, so Eddy ran off looking for some, while I chatted with Dr Salem. Many people popped in to check out the food, but I have a sneaky feeling they were admiring our simple but nice set-up. Gold coloured cloth covered the buffet, white ceramic dinner plates, B&B plates, with double-plated serving spoon holders, proper water goblets (no highballs here), and good quality stainless steel roller chaffing dishes.
After Eddy came back with 2 measly bags of ice, I invited Prof Goh to start off the buffet, and the rest of the guests trickled in. I observed their faces while they waited for their turn, and caught some roving eyes.....checking out all the small details on our simple buffet line. While they ate, I took the opportunity to work the room, going around and asking how they found the food, any comments for us to improve our service etc. Generally, it was a 100% success with everyone giving us the thumbs-up. There was one vegetarian request, which I kept nice and warm. When the nurse was ready, I personally served the food to her, making sure that she knew what she was eating and checking that she was comfortable.
What gave me the most pleasure of all was the vegetarian nurse seeking me out, and personally thanking me for the " delicious vegetarian food", as well as the favourable comments and enquiries for future catering events made by Dr Salem's nurse sister.
At 1:30pm we went searching for lunch, which was at the " food court" next to the carpark. It was pretty dissappointing stuff, but remembering my vow, I whispered a quiet Alhamdullilah for the food that I was about to eat and ended up leaving absolutely nothing on my plate.
When we got back, I chatted with Eddy on our plans for Alamritz catering & wedding planner. He shared that he's ordered a Nissan 14 seater van, which can be used for future caterings. Told him about my tour guide idea, as well as transfers for corporate customers, which he instantly liked. We left PPUM at 3pm for Kg Sg Pencala, as Eddy wanted to show me his equipments. It rained heavily, and when we finally arrived there, it was reduced to a heavy drizzle. The store was in Kg Palimbayan, and boy was I shocked to see the number of goodies Eddy had stashed there!!
Reached home at 430pm, and after getting into my shorts, brought the girls along for a haircut at my regular Indian barber. Went for a very short side parting, which made me look 5 years younger, then went to Giant for their girls to work off their pent up energy, while I caught up with The Star. Left Giant at 615pm, gave both of them their baths and dressed them. While we were watching the TV3 news on the 2010 budget, Bg Nizam, Kak Ah and Dini came over.
I then made my exit, and ended up at the internet cafe till 11-ish.
All in all, it was a really fulfilling and satisfying day, one that will be remembered fondly as it is the start of Alamritz Catering & Wedding Planner as a full fledged caterer and wedding planner. In the coming weeks, we will tie-up all the loose ends so that the market won't know what hit them, insyallah.
As I opened my eyes, the sight of my beautiful Adriana sleeping soundly beside me greeted my sight. I then spent 5 minutes just gazing at her flawless face, strokking her lovely hair, and telling myself how much I loved and adored her, and how hard I'll work to make a better life for both
Adriana and Alyssa.
Once the cobwebs were gone, I got down to business, jotting down all the thots, ideas, memories, conversations etc etc. Before long, 2 whole pages of my notebook were filled with all sorts of stuff, and boy was I glad I too the trouble...some of them were pretty cool stuff. The ideas dried up at 6am, and since I'm not sleepy at all, got dressed and went for my very first jog in the wee hours of 610am. Initially my body revolted, maybe due to the weird time, but after Dr Murali's Clinic, I got into the rythm and somehow started to glide along. Traffic was light, and the air was crisp with the sun just starting its climb, so it was really pleasant. Got home at 645am, and got in some push-up and sit-ups while catching the morning shows on TV.
The girls woke up at 8am with an expectant look on their face....yes, it's time for our puree breakfast at Abirami Restaurant. The restaurant was packed, but we got our regular table, and after a 5 minute wait, our eagerly awaited puree's were lovingly placed on our banana leafs. Boy, the 3 of us literally wolfed it down without saying a word, me having to supplement it with a vadei. Then its back home to get ready for the catering.
Left home at 945am and got to the poolside at 1030am thru the heavy morning crawl. Caught up with the news while waiting for Eddy, who showed up at 1115am. Loaded up the Honda City, and got to PPUM at 1130am. Everything was set-up perfectly in the dining area, so I got busy laying out the food and making little touch-ups. Realised that we didn't have any ice, so Eddy ran off looking for some, while I chatted with Dr Salem. Many people popped in to check out the food, but I have a sneaky feeling they were admiring our simple but nice set-up. Gold coloured cloth covered the buffet, white ceramic dinner plates, B&B plates, with double-plated serving spoon holders, proper water goblets (no highballs here), and good quality stainless steel roller chaffing dishes.
After Eddy came back with 2 measly bags of ice, I invited Prof Goh to start off the buffet, and the rest of the guests trickled in. I observed their faces while they waited for their turn, and caught some roving eyes.....checking out all the small details on our simple buffet line. While they ate, I took the opportunity to work the room, going around and asking how they found the food, any comments for us to improve our service etc. Generally, it was a 100% success with everyone giving us the thumbs-up. There was one vegetarian request, which I kept nice and warm. When the nurse was ready, I personally served the food to her, making sure that she knew what she was eating and checking that she was comfortable.
What gave me the most pleasure of all was the vegetarian nurse seeking me out, and personally thanking me for the " delicious vegetarian food", as well as the favourable comments and enquiries for future catering events made by Dr Salem's nurse sister.
At 1:30pm we went searching for lunch, which was at the " food court" next to the carpark. It was pretty dissappointing stuff, but remembering my vow, I whispered a quiet Alhamdullilah for the food that I was about to eat and ended up leaving absolutely nothing on my plate.
When we got back, I chatted with Eddy on our plans for Alamritz catering & wedding planner. He shared that he's ordered a Nissan 14 seater van, which can be used for future caterings. Told him about my tour guide idea, as well as transfers for corporate customers, which he instantly liked. We left PPUM at 3pm for Kg Sg Pencala, as Eddy wanted to show me his equipments. It rained heavily, and when we finally arrived there, it was reduced to a heavy drizzle. The store was in Kg Palimbayan, and boy was I shocked to see the number of goodies Eddy had stashed there!!
Reached home at 430pm, and after getting into my shorts, brought the girls along for a haircut at my regular Indian barber. Went for a very short side parting, which made me look 5 years younger, then went to Giant for their girls to work off their pent up energy, while I caught up with The Star. Left Giant at 615pm, gave both of them their baths and dressed them. While we were watching the TV3 news on the 2010 budget, Bg Nizam, Kak Ah and Dini came over.
I then made my exit, and ended up at the internet cafe till 11-ish.
All in all, it was a really fulfilling and satisfying day, one that will be remembered fondly as it is the start of Alamritz Catering & Wedding Planner as a full fledged caterer and wedding planner. In the coming weeks, we will tie-up all the loose ends so that the market won't know what hit them, insyallah.
Monday, September 28, 2009
Hari Raya 2009 in Batu Pahat - Recollections and Reflections
We got up at 6am and by 630am the car was loaded and we were on our way to Ayer Kerok Rest Area to rendezvous with Unc Saidi. It was lovely drive with not that many cars on the road, we got to Ayer Keroh by 930am. The girls kept busy playing at the playground, while I had a much needed breakfast of sardine sandwiches and Nescafe O. When Unc Saidi arrived, we joined them at the food court for breakfast.
We left Ayer Keroh at 10am, and after exiting Tangkak, we headed for a new road from Muar to Batu Pahat, which was mush longer in distance, but we enjoyed up to 8 beautiful wooden Malay houses that were painted in vibrant colours. Somehow Cik Kah felt that we've lost our way, so she rushed to the Land Office to pay her cukai tanah. In the rush, Unc Saidi banged his head as he went through the gate, and ended up with a deep gash and blood flowing down his face. Got out my Franch oil and plaster to patch him up, then he walked off with Ashraf to look for a clinic.
While he was gone, I went to the Jabatan Ukur at the Federal Building to try to get my hands on a map of Bagan. A guy there showed me 2 plans that shows every piece of land from Peserai till Parit Hj Moin. He's willing to sell these plans at RM25 a piece under table, so I agreed to meet him at 1pm, and gave him RM10 intially. Picked up Unt Norli and brought Unc Saidi to a nearby clinic, which ended up being a maternity clinic, who sewed Unc Saidi up for RM98!!
Left for Tok Uteh's (Hjh Kasmirah) home for the kenduri kahwin at 1pm. Met Unc Seth and missus at the entrance, and after quickly locating a table near the buffet, the clan sat down for some serious eating. The food was absolutely delicious, the rice yummy, the beef fantastic, the lamb out of this world. Somehow I filled my plate with 3 scoops of rice, and I'm proud to admit that I finished every grain of rice. Next stop was Nek Saepah's house, where we spent an hour chatting with Unt Encah and Nek Saepah, who can't walk and only moves about on all fours.
After some photo taking, we left for aruah Tok Encik's house in Bekok, Yong Peng. After the heavy kenduri lunch, it was challenging to keep my eyes open, but we got there safely at 230pm. Our gracious hosts made a fuss and served us delicious mee hoon goreng, which we devoured like wolves (forgetting that we literally finished the lauk kenduri just an hour earlier!!!) Then we just lazed about and chatted with my relatives, some of whom I'm meeting for the first time. After maghrib prayers with Mat Sarip as imam, it was a simple dinner or jantung pisang masak lemak, pecal and steaming white rice. After a long goodbye, its a drive back to Pak Busu's house, where one by one we fell asleep like flies. Alyssa was in the room with Mak whiel Adriana was with me in front of the TV.
Early the next morning, I heard Pak Busu & Unt Norli leaving the house to go to the market. They came back with bags of lontong, mee hoon goreng and nasi lemak, which we again devoured like the hungry wolves that we are!! First stop was Tok Pah and Nek Gayah's place in Peserai. Their front lawn has been tarred over, with a nice extension running the entire front of the house. Nek Gayah was busy making her famous jelly when we got there. Adriana & Alyssa loved the open spaces and ran about with Mizi in tow. I sat at the dinner table with Tok Pah and Mak, and talked about Raya of yesteryears. I'm sad that his memory is fading, but he still had some interesting and sharp memories of the 40's and 50's, remarkable for a 92 year old man.
Nek Gayah's memory is pretty intact, but at least she can still move around on the wheelchair. She even remembers my breath holding spells when I was still a todler, which was funny but still embarrassing after all these years!!
Mak Yam's house was next, which was Nek Wook's house, across the road from Nek Saepah's shop house. It was a beautiful house painted yellow with white borders, and because I didn;t have a camera, I made a rough sketch so that I can remember this trip in years to come. Adriana and Alyssa found a ball, and played with Mizi in the lawn. After taking a group photo, we left for Nek Kon's house which is further down the lane from Nek Saepah's old shop house.
While looking for the house, we saw a beautiful Malay house with wooden carvings and stained glass windows. Nek Kon's house was decorated in an English Country theme, and we were served Sarsi and ate some really cute and delicious Raya cookies.
Next we went to Mak's cousins house, who is a maths professor but I can't remember his name. He has 9 kids, and I spent some time updating our family tree with their names and birthdates. His daughter is on Facebook, so we exchanged e-mail addresses and promised to keep in touch.
At 3pm we arrived at Parit Besar burial plot, and noticed some new houses and recently tarred road. While the family was at Datuk's grave, I explored the whole plot looking for new graves not on my list, as well as cleaning up some missing details. Located Nek Sol's grave, which I missed the last time I was there.
We then left for the Rest House for lunch/tea sponsored by Cik Kah. Got a long table, and Cik Kah ordered mee hailam, nasi goreng, telur dadar and jugs of kasturi asam boi. When the food arrived, we literally attacked it like there's no tomorrow, so we ended up with another plate of mee hoon hailam and nasi goreng. After a long goodbye at Pak Busu's place, we set off for Unt Kepol's place in Sg Mati, which we reached at 630pm. After a delicious dinner of crispy fish, fried egg and white rice, we left Sg Mati at 859pm with the car loaded with bags of duku langsat.
While everyone settled down and slept, I enjoyed a quiet 2 hours by myself. I reflected on my life in general, the relatives I met during this short trip and those I didn't meet, the family tree and the responsibility of keeping it updated, what life will be like after we get home, what I plan to do with my life, as well as how I will cope during this transitional period. We got home safely at 11pm, and after lying Alyssa down in Mak's room, I blacked out with Adriana beside me at 1130pm.
All in all, I'm glad we went back to Batu Pahat, and even though my family was not complete this year, I hope that next year's Raya will bring a different fortune to us all, and less grief to me personally, insyallah.
We left Ayer Keroh at 10am, and after exiting Tangkak, we headed for a new road from Muar to Batu Pahat, which was mush longer in distance, but we enjoyed up to 8 beautiful wooden Malay houses that were painted in vibrant colours. Somehow Cik Kah felt that we've lost our way, so she rushed to the Land Office to pay her cukai tanah. In the rush, Unc Saidi banged his head as he went through the gate, and ended up with a deep gash and blood flowing down his face. Got out my Franch oil and plaster to patch him up, then he walked off with Ashraf to look for a clinic.
While he was gone, I went to the Jabatan Ukur at the Federal Building to try to get my hands on a map of Bagan. A guy there showed me 2 plans that shows every piece of land from Peserai till Parit Hj Moin. He's willing to sell these plans at RM25 a piece under table, so I agreed to meet him at 1pm, and gave him RM10 intially. Picked up Unt Norli and brought Unc Saidi to a nearby clinic, which ended up being a maternity clinic, who sewed Unc Saidi up for RM98!!
Left for Tok Uteh's (Hjh Kasmirah) home for the kenduri kahwin at 1pm. Met Unc Seth and missus at the entrance, and after quickly locating a table near the buffet, the clan sat down for some serious eating. The food was absolutely delicious, the rice yummy, the beef fantastic, the lamb out of this world. Somehow I filled my plate with 3 scoops of rice, and I'm proud to admit that I finished every grain of rice. Next stop was Nek Saepah's house, where we spent an hour chatting with Unt Encah and Nek Saepah, who can't walk and only moves about on all fours.
After some photo taking, we left for aruah Tok Encik's house in Bekok, Yong Peng. After the heavy kenduri lunch, it was challenging to keep my eyes open, but we got there safely at 230pm. Our gracious hosts made a fuss and served us delicious mee hoon goreng, which we devoured like wolves (forgetting that we literally finished the lauk kenduri just an hour earlier!!!) Then we just lazed about and chatted with my relatives, some of whom I'm meeting for the first time. After maghrib prayers with Mat Sarip as imam, it was a simple dinner or jantung pisang masak lemak, pecal and steaming white rice. After a long goodbye, its a drive back to Pak Busu's house, where one by one we fell asleep like flies. Alyssa was in the room with Mak whiel Adriana was with me in front of the TV.
Early the next morning, I heard Pak Busu & Unt Norli leaving the house to go to the market. They came back with bags of lontong, mee hoon goreng and nasi lemak, which we again devoured like the hungry wolves that we are!! First stop was Tok Pah and Nek Gayah's place in Peserai. Their front lawn has been tarred over, with a nice extension running the entire front of the house. Nek Gayah was busy making her famous jelly when we got there. Adriana & Alyssa loved the open spaces and ran about with Mizi in tow. I sat at the dinner table with Tok Pah and Mak, and talked about Raya of yesteryears. I'm sad that his memory is fading, but he still had some interesting and sharp memories of the 40's and 50's, remarkable for a 92 year old man.
Nek Gayah's memory is pretty intact, but at least she can still move around on the wheelchair. She even remembers my breath holding spells when I was still a todler, which was funny but still embarrassing after all these years!!
Mak Yam's house was next, which was Nek Wook's house, across the road from Nek Saepah's shop house. It was a beautiful house painted yellow with white borders, and because I didn;t have a camera, I made a rough sketch so that I can remember this trip in years to come. Adriana and Alyssa found a ball, and played with Mizi in the lawn. After taking a group photo, we left for Nek Kon's house which is further down the lane from Nek Saepah's old shop house.
While looking for the house, we saw a beautiful Malay house with wooden carvings and stained glass windows. Nek Kon's house was decorated in an English Country theme, and we were served Sarsi and ate some really cute and delicious Raya cookies.
Next we went to Mak's cousins house, who is a maths professor but I can't remember his name. He has 9 kids, and I spent some time updating our family tree with their names and birthdates. His daughter is on Facebook, so we exchanged e-mail addresses and promised to keep in touch.
At 3pm we arrived at Parit Besar burial plot, and noticed some new houses and recently tarred road. While the family was at Datuk's grave, I explored the whole plot looking for new graves not on my list, as well as cleaning up some missing details. Located Nek Sol's grave, which I missed the last time I was there.
We then left for the Rest House for lunch/tea sponsored by Cik Kah. Got a long table, and Cik Kah ordered mee hailam, nasi goreng, telur dadar and jugs of kasturi asam boi. When the food arrived, we literally attacked it like there's no tomorrow, so we ended up with another plate of mee hoon hailam and nasi goreng. After a long goodbye at Pak Busu's place, we set off for Unt Kepol's place in Sg Mati, which we reached at 630pm. After a delicious dinner of crispy fish, fried egg and white rice, we left Sg Mati at 859pm with the car loaded with bags of duku langsat.
While everyone settled down and slept, I enjoyed a quiet 2 hours by myself. I reflected on my life in general, the relatives I met during this short trip and those I didn't meet, the family tree and the responsibility of keeping it updated, what life will be like after we get home, what I plan to do with my life, as well as how I will cope during this transitional period. We got home safely at 11pm, and after lying Alyssa down in Mak's room, I blacked out with Adriana beside me at 1130pm.
All in all, I'm glad we went back to Batu Pahat, and even though my family was not complete this year, I hope that next year's Raya will bring a different fortune to us all, and less grief to me personally, insyallah.
Friday, September 25, 2009
25th Sept 09 - A new beginning
It was a chilly morning that greeted me when Adriana got up from her deep sleep and wished me "good morning Daddy" in the darkness.
My creaky body somehow survived the drive from Batu Pahat, albeit with slight aches here and there. Mak was busy doing some spring cleaning of the cupboard, so I dived into the newspaper while the girls kept busy building a house around their little world using Mak's throw cushions.
It is Friday today, and somehow I feel much better, emotionally and sprititually. The sobering sight of my senior family members like Tok Pah who is 92 this year, Nek Kon who is 90, and Nek Saepah who is 80+ made me think how it must feel to be surrounded by so many descendants who love and care for you all these years.
What I will do from now on is to retrace my roots, and seek out the new me, one who is braver to face a changing world, one who is not scared of taking risks, one who is much more devoted to his family, and will continue to seek out ways to build a better life.
I will also be more positive in my outlook to life, with the end result being a better life for my children, be it in the material or sprititual form, insyallah.
My creaky body somehow survived the drive from Batu Pahat, albeit with slight aches here and there. Mak was busy doing some spring cleaning of the cupboard, so I dived into the newspaper while the girls kept busy building a house around their little world using Mak's throw cushions.
It is Friday today, and somehow I feel much better, emotionally and sprititually. The sobering sight of my senior family members like Tok Pah who is 92 this year, Nek Kon who is 90, and Nek Saepah who is 80+ made me think how it must feel to be surrounded by so many descendants who love and care for you all these years.
What I will do from now on is to retrace my roots, and seek out the new me, one who is braver to face a changing world, one who is not scared of taking risks, one who is much more devoted to his family, and will continue to seek out ways to build a better life.
I will also be more positive in my outlook to life, with the end result being a better life for my children, be it in the material or sprititual form, insyallah.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Wednesday, 16th Sept 09 - A Week Of Reckoning
Today is the 2nd last day of Intai-Intai Restaurant's Ramadan Buffet, of which Bad and I were part of for the past 1 month. I must say that I have mixed feelings about facing this weekend.
For one, it means that our short term consultancy deal at Intai2 ends, and what follows is a scary period filled with un-certainties and grayness. Secondly, it means that Eid Ul Fitr is upon us, which has always been my least favourite time of the year. More so in 2009, where everything that can go wrong, HAS gone wrong for me and my little family.......or what is left of it.
My best friend and companion.......has forsaken me. She failed to realise how much I wanted to dig myself out of this pit...she failed to notice how much I've changed for the better, she failed to understand how much my family meant to me, and she failed to acknowledge that I didn't want to be in this situation.
I am but a zombie going through the paces just for the sake of going through it. Life is almost meaningless, EXCEPT when I'm with my lovely daughters. But, having said that, I can't stop thinking about what a lousy life I'm giving my girls, and that they obviously deserve better.
I have failed at being a good husband, though I don't think it's entirely my fault, and now I'm close to failing as a good Dad, which I can't accept.
So, here I am.....just a broken guy who is severely depressed, and starting to harbour thoughts about ending it all. I know I shouldn't think about it, it is sinful, and it will bring sorrow to my family, especially my Mum and kids. But, who really cares about what I feel? Most, if not all my friends have deserted me. Fair wheather friends they are called, but hey.....you can't force people to like you. My own family members can't be bothered if I sink or float, even though I know that I am my own responsibility. But perhaps once I'm gone, they'll appreciate me for who I am, not for my past mistakes.
When my mind wanders, it is consumed in planning how best to do it....a messy fall from a tall building....or a clean sleeping pill overdose......or maybe a smelly car filled with exhaust smoke?? Choices....choices.....but the end result will be bliss for the shell that is Azlan. Yes, I am but a shell, a shadow of my former self.....one who was so genuinely passionate about life and loves to help people and make people laugh.
But, when I need it most, who is it that is making me laugh or asking me how I'm coping? My girls do make me laugh out loud as I see a lot of me in their antics. But, I can't bear the thought of them growing up without the perfect life that they so rightly deserve. When I need it most, who is there who cares enough to ask if I need a helping hand?
So, let's just see how this coming week turns out. Yes, I am giving myself one more week before I make a final decision to go where the sun don't shine. I hope and pray that my fortune changes for the better, otherwise, my poor daughters will have to go through life without a Dad who loves them more than he loves himself, and my poor Mum will have to bury a son who she gave birth to 40 years ago... I know it sounds selfish of me, but I'm only a person made of flesh and bones....not stone.
For one, it means that our short term consultancy deal at Intai2 ends, and what follows is a scary period filled with un-certainties and grayness. Secondly, it means that Eid Ul Fitr is upon us, which has always been my least favourite time of the year. More so in 2009, where everything that can go wrong, HAS gone wrong for me and my little family.......or what is left of it.
My best friend and companion.......has forsaken me. She failed to realise how much I wanted to dig myself out of this pit...she failed to notice how much I've changed for the better, she failed to understand how much my family meant to me, and she failed to acknowledge that I didn't want to be in this situation.
I am but a zombie going through the paces just for the sake of going through it. Life is almost meaningless, EXCEPT when I'm with my lovely daughters. But, having said that, I can't stop thinking about what a lousy life I'm giving my girls, and that they obviously deserve better.
I have failed at being a good husband, though I don't think it's entirely my fault, and now I'm close to failing as a good Dad, which I can't accept.
So, here I am.....just a broken guy who is severely depressed, and starting to harbour thoughts about ending it all. I know I shouldn't think about it, it is sinful, and it will bring sorrow to my family, especially my Mum and kids. But, who really cares about what I feel? Most, if not all my friends have deserted me. Fair wheather friends they are called, but hey.....you can't force people to like you. My own family members can't be bothered if I sink or float, even though I know that I am my own responsibility. But perhaps once I'm gone, they'll appreciate me for who I am, not for my past mistakes.
When my mind wanders, it is consumed in planning how best to do it....a messy fall from a tall building....or a clean sleeping pill overdose......or maybe a smelly car filled with exhaust smoke?? Choices....choices.....but the end result will be bliss for the shell that is Azlan. Yes, I am but a shell, a shadow of my former self.....one who was so genuinely passionate about life and loves to help people and make people laugh.
But, when I need it most, who is it that is making me laugh or asking me how I'm coping? My girls do make me laugh out loud as I see a lot of me in their antics. But, I can't bear the thought of them growing up without the perfect life that they so rightly deserve. When I need it most, who is there who cares enough to ask if I need a helping hand?
So, let's just see how this coming week turns out. Yes, I am giving myself one more week before I make a final decision to go where the sun don't shine. I hope and pray that my fortune changes for the better, otherwise, my poor daughters will have to go through life without a Dad who loves them more than he loves himself, and my poor Mum will have to bury a son who she gave birth to 40 years ago... I know it sounds selfish of me, but I'm only a person made of flesh and bones....not stone.
Monday, July 20, 2009
1st July 2009 - Trip to Malacca
I was jolted from sleep automatically at 0625am and found Azie already getting dressed. After getting dressed, Adriana suddenly sat up and asked to be hugged, which I complied happily. Kissed both the girls and made my exit in case Alyssa got up, and found a freshly cooked Egg In The Window on the dinner table, which I asked Bibik to pack.
We left home at 0715am and headed for the Federal Highway which was already jam-packed by then. I eased into the fast lane and we reached Brickfields exit at 0730am, which I tought was amazing. Since I was meeting Bad at Setiawangsa LRt Station, so it was convenient to catch the train at the Central Market Station. Azie kissed my hand and I saw her dissappear in the distance.
Upon reaching the platform, there must have been 80 people in neat lines, so I took a seat and dived in my John Grisham novel. Two trains passed by filled to the roof with people, but lo and behold, the third train was practically empty. Arrived Setiawangsa at 0845am and we adjourned to Shabistan to tie-up any loose ends. Over a second breakfast of toast and Nescafe Tarik, we double checked the entire tender document (spelling, grammar, alignment etc) and finally got it ready at 10am. We got it printed at the expensive corner shop with some nice looking coloured paper and wire binding and left for Malacca at 1030am. Teoh Ning will meet us at MITC.
It was a pleasant drive and we kept ourselves busy talking about the local hotel industry, where our former colleagues were, our hopes for the future, other business ideas etc. All in all, after years in the industry, albeit with different hotel groups, both of us somehow ended up with similar life experiences and shared common goals, which I thought was pretty cool.
We left home at 0715am and headed for the Federal Highway which was already jam-packed by then. I eased into the fast lane and we reached Brickfields exit at 0730am, which I tought was amazing. Since I was meeting Bad at Setiawangsa LRt Station, so it was convenient to catch the train at the Central Market Station. Azie kissed my hand and I saw her dissappear in the distance.
Upon reaching the platform, there must have been 80 people in neat lines, so I took a seat and dived in my John Grisham novel. Two trains passed by filled to the roof with people, but lo and behold, the third train was practically empty. Arrived Setiawangsa at 0845am and we adjourned to Shabistan to tie-up any loose ends. Over a second breakfast of toast and Nescafe Tarik, we double checked the entire tender document (spelling, grammar, alignment etc) and finally got it ready at 10am. We got it printed at the expensive corner shop with some nice looking coloured paper and wire binding and left for Malacca at 1030am. Teoh Ning will meet us at MITC.
It was a pleasant drive and we kept ourselves busy talking about the local hotel industry, where our former colleagues were, our hopes for the future, other business ideas etc. All in all, after years in the industry, albeit with different hotel groups, both of us somehow ended up with similar life experiences and shared common goals, which I thought was pretty cool.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Early June 2009
The 3 short months being at the "helm" of the restaurant has been an educational, enriching, frustrating, enlightening and truly awakening experience for me personally. When I first laid eyes on this restaurant, it was just a red-bricked structure with no roof and no water in the man-made pond. After months of elbow grease, I saw it morph into this popular "semi-dining" restaurant thats already been featured in The Edge, The Star, Sur la Terre and Citta Bella, not forgetting a short NTV7 slot. Not bad for a 3 month old place I might add.
Throughout this short time, I saw the extremes in human behaviour: people who gave selective and manipulative advice to satisfy their own greed, brotherly love and respect from my staff who I plucked from their simple backgrounds, true friendship and camaraderie from those closest to me, and blatant betrayal and back-stabbing from some whom I've wrongly placed so much trust in. After some reflection, most of the blame lies with my overly friendly nature and partly on my own disorganised nature which I will need to address immediately.
After months of tolerating humiliating personal attacks from the powers-that-be, and gross insubordination that was openly condoned by the same "powers-that-be", I had no choice but to work up enough courage to seek out greener pastures. Sham beat me to it and left in April 09, so I ended up alone to face the full brunt of these attacks. Then Sham called to remind me of a conversation we had a few weeks back about an investor looking to grow their restaurant and catering business.
Well, to cut a long story short, Sham will lay the groundwork and get everything ready for the outlet to beopened by late-June 09. As soon as I join in early June, work on the menu, renovation, staffing, marketing etc can start. As for the rewards, it'll be on a profit sharing basis, where the investors provides the platform/hardware, and whatever business we make, the profit is shared equally between them and us.
So finally, after slogging for years, both Sham and I will get to run our own business (so to speak), where we have full control on all decisions, and best of all, there's no limit to the kind of money we stand to make from this restaurant as well as the catering arm. At the end of the day, at least both of us have the same dreams, that is to leave a legacy for our kids, as well as to be financially independent.
One things for sure, this is finally the break I've been praying so hard for all these months, and I'm gonna do everything it takes to make this new venture into a profitable one for our investors, Sham and I, as well as the team.
Throughout this short time, I saw the extremes in human behaviour: people who gave selective and manipulative advice to satisfy their own greed, brotherly love and respect from my staff who I plucked from their simple backgrounds, true friendship and camaraderie from those closest to me, and blatant betrayal and back-stabbing from some whom I've wrongly placed so much trust in. After some reflection, most of the blame lies with my overly friendly nature and partly on my own disorganised nature which I will need to address immediately.
After months of tolerating humiliating personal attacks from the powers-that-be, and gross insubordination that was openly condoned by the same "powers-that-be", I had no choice but to work up enough courage to seek out greener pastures. Sham beat me to it and left in April 09, so I ended up alone to face the full brunt of these attacks. Then Sham called to remind me of a conversation we had a few weeks back about an investor looking to grow their restaurant and catering business.
Well, to cut a long story short, Sham will lay the groundwork and get everything ready for the outlet to beopened by late-June 09. As soon as I join in early June, work on the menu, renovation, staffing, marketing etc can start. As for the rewards, it'll be on a profit sharing basis, where the investors provides the platform/hardware, and whatever business we make, the profit is shared equally between them and us.
So finally, after slogging for years, both Sham and I will get to run our own business (so to speak), where we have full control on all decisions, and best of all, there's no limit to the kind of money we stand to make from this restaurant as well as the catering arm. At the end of the day, at least both of us have the same dreams, that is to leave a legacy for our kids, as well as to be financially independent.
One things for sure, this is finally the break I've been praying so hard for all these months, and I'm gonna do everything it takes to make this new venture into a profitable one for our investors, Sham and I, as well as the team.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
My Life as of the 29th May 2009
Well, it has been a hectic 3 months since the restaurant openend, and my inactivity on the blog front says it all. Hell, I've only had time to update some pictures onto my Facebook account, apart from replying to the odd e-mail. Anyhow, here's an up-date of my simple life as of the weekend of the 29th May 09.
It was my maid's off day this week, and with Azie having a couple of interviews with her candidates the whole Saturday, it leaves me no choice but to take leave today to be with my mother. Ever since her knee surgeries, and the numerous drugs given to her over the past months, I have a sneaky feeling that some of them has done more harm than good. I'm no doctor, but I think some medicines contained steroids that has resulted in Mak becoming paranoid, especially if she's left alone. She'll have her panic attacks which will be broadcast throughout the whole country, and I'll start getting concerned calls from aunts and uncles telling me to look into it...
So anyway, the day was spent with me having a rare breakfast with Mak, a simple one of toast with peanut butter and jam.At least I managed to catch up on family gossip and who's marrying who etc etc. After breakfast, its the papers to readup on the Jaya Supermarket crash, where Syed Idid's car got some un-wanted bullet holes in the bodywork. It must be said that I truly miss the leisurely morning routine with the papers and the girls climbing all over me....
After lunch, I put the girls to bed and after they've entered dreamland, it's the laptop for some serious Facebooking. After uploading some old photos, it's replying and deleting close to 200 emails dating back to the Cretaceous Period when dinosaurs still ate nothing but Roti Tissue and Kari Kosong at the local mamak stall....
After Maghrib prayers, a simple dinner was in order and after some TV time it's bedtime for the girls. After the grumblings and small tantrums, I managed to bundle the girls into the bedroom and put them to sleep after much cudling and rocking. Looking at them sleep in the dim light, my love and affection for them grows stronger and made me even more determined to make a better life for me and my family, insyallah
It was my maid's off day this week, and with Azie having a couple of interviews with her candidates the whole Saturday, it leaves me no choice but to take leave today to be with my mother. Ever since her knee surgeries, and the numerous drugs given to her over the past months, I have a sneaky feeling that some of them has done more harm than good. I'm no doctor, but I think some medicines contained steroids that has resulted in Mak becoming paranoid, especially if she's left alone. She'll have her panic attacks which will be broadcast throughout the whole country, and I'll start getting concerned calls from aunts and uncles telling me to look into it...
So anyway, the day was spent with me having a rare breakfast with Mak, a simple one of toast with peanut butter and jam.At least I managed to catch up on family gossip and who's marrying who etc etc. After breakfast, its the papers to readup on the Jaya Supermarket crash, where Syed Idid's car got some un-wanted bullet holes in the bodywork. It must be said that I truly miss the leisurely morning routine with the papers and the girls climbing all over me....
After lunch, I put the girls to bed and after they've entered dreamland, it's the laptop for some serious Facebooking. After uploading some old photos, it's replying and deleting close to 200 emails dating back to the Cretaceous Period when dinosaurs still ate nothing but Roti Tissue and Kari Kosong at the local mamak stall....
After Maghrib prayers, a simple dinner was in order and after some TV time it's bedtime for the girls. After the grumblings and small tantrums, I managed to bundle the girls into the bedroom and put them to sleep after much cudling and rocking. Looking at them sleep in the dim light, my love and affection for them grows stronger and made me even more determined to make a better life for me and my family, insyallah
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)